12. Prague Castle
An obvious choice, not only because it's probably the #1 tourist destination in all of Prague, but because I of course feel most at home in extravagant royal castles (palatial mansions will also do in a pinch). According to my guidebook, this 9th century construction is the largest ancient castle in existence today, featuring centuries worth of different architecture. Apparently, the castle's White Tower boasts both authentic and souvenir-replicas of torture equipment, as well as an opportunity to shoot a real crossbow. But, if that doesn't sate my appetite for all things morbid, there's also a torture museum right down the road, apparently.
11. Museum of Decorative Arts
Basically, it's just a huge gallery of sweet-looking shit, for lack of a better word. Or, if you insist on better words, allow me to quote my guidebook, which says that the museum is a "part of a European movement to encourage a return to the aesthetic values sacrificed to the Industrial Revolution". This place is four halls worth of 16th- to 19th- century glasswork, furniture, tapestries, photography, wedding dresses (!!) and pretty much everything else. Or, if all of that is looking too daunting, I might check out the Museum of Miniatures instead.
10. Absinthe Shop
If it's illegal in America, then obviously it's a must whilst abroad. I'm no absinthe connoisseur by any means, but I'm sure with my sophisticated palette, I will be able to discern the subtle notes and transient flavors in each (free) tasting I encounter. Also, if you weren't already scandalized enough, they apparently also sell cannabis-flavored absinthe.
9. One World Film Festival
One of my many kingly duties is to take a passing interest in the lives of mere mortals so I intend to check out this festival (aka Jeden Svět), dedicated to documentaries about human rights, which happens every March. From the festival's website: "The films shown at One World provide comprehensive information on the entire gamut of human rights, foreign-policy and social issues. The festival demonstrates how effective a tool documentary film can be, if it is used strategically for increasing awareness, education, advocating human rights, stimulating debate, and promoting social integration."
8. The Astronomical Clock in Old Town Hall
Even with my superior intellectual capabilities, I cannot accurately express how friggin' awesome this thing is--I'd check out the link above to its Wikipedia page to get the full scoop if I were you. This clock not only tells normal-people time, but also shows the movement of the planets around the earth and sun--and it was made 600 years ago. Not only that, but it has animated statues of skeletons and Jews with bags of gold...creepy! You can also take a witch tour of this place that tells you about the black magic behind the clock.
7. The Choco-Story Museum
A chocolate...museum? Say no more. From their website: "In the museum you will be absorbed by the exciting world of chocolate and using all senses you will be travelling in time. It will be a pleasure not only for your eyes, but also for the nose and the taste". Oh, Choco-Story Museum, I won't be in Prague for another 2 weeks...don't be cruel.
6. Club Mecca
My guidebook tells me this is the place that important people such as myself come to let off some steam. I just hope that the presence of royalty won't intimidate the common-folk. Come on, guys, I can be hip! I'm 'with it'!
5. The Franz Kafka Museum
So, I should probably actually read some Kafka before I add this "vivid portrayal of the claustrophobic bureaucracy and atmosphere of brooding menace that characterized Kafka's world" to my bucket list. But even if I never get around to reading some of his stuff, it would probably be worth going just to see "Proudy", that weird sculpture depicted above by David Černý which stands right outside the museum. The sculpture is actually animated, making the two figures spell out famous quotations from Czech literature with their pee. Now, if that's not worth an exorbitant amount of time and resources, I don't know what is.
4. The John Lennon Wall
I had no idea John Lennon had anything to do with Czech history, but apparently this wall dedicated to him became a big symbol for the rebellion against the communist regime in the '80s. It's open to anyone to add their contribution, which aside from its being about The Beatles, is another cool element of this wall: it's constantly changing. The picture above is what it looked like in 1993; can't wait to see what it looks like when I go!
3. Church of St. James
Not only is this church what appears to be a stunning example of Gothic and Baroque architecture, but it (naturally) has some elements of the macabre as well. According to legend, a thief tried to steal some jewels from the statue of the Virgin Mary in the church, so the statue grabbed his arm with a grip so tight that it had to get sawed off by local butchers. The mummified arm still hangs in the church as a warning for future thieves... Now that's what I'm talking about! #bowdownbitches
2. Sperm Festival
Get your minds out of the gutter, you filthy peasants, it's a film festival. Or, rather, a music, visual, media & art festival held annually at David Černý's (remember computerized urine guy?) avante-garde art gallery, the Meet Factory. It's most likely just as intentionally esoteric and pretentious as it is actually impressive, but Architecture in Helsinki played there last year (for the first time in Prague, ever), so that's pretty cool, right?
1. Kočičí galerie
Alright, subjects, I'm rounding out this bucket list with a Czech gallery full of cat art, why? Because I want to, that's why! I don't need to answer to you, this is MY blog. Mine! That being said, I love cats, and if you're good this more than likely will be where I buy your souvenir from. So let the foot-kissing commence! And with that, I will bid you all adieu, hoping that you are all thoroughly jealous of my many adventures to come. Bye now!
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