Some Highlights.

From the Dali exhibition in Old Town Sqaure:

Paradise Found.

Last night I went to a symphony at the Estates Theatre in commemoration of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's 256th birthday. It was an evening that was truly fit for a king:
Outside the theatre

The view from the top floor balcony seats (not for the faint of heart)

Decadence.


After the show (which was mindblowingly lovely) dozens of these people were just standing around serving free champagne. It was like I died and went to heaven (the rung reserved for nobility and saints, obviously).

Babies.

Ahoj errbody,
Today is day 6 in Prague, day 2 of our Czech language crash course. I know it's hard to believe, but I look and sound even more awesome whilst speaking Czech than I do normally. Film classes don't start for another week or so, so other than Czech class, most of the day is free for us to roam around and explore. Since my rickshaw didn't make it through customs, I've been forced to walk an exorbitant amount. It's really more than my royal legs are used to, and it's almost perpetually either raining or snowing (or both) but never fear, subjects--your fearless leader is forging valiantly ahead regardless. I've seen a huge amount of the city at this point (including the John Lennon Wall and the outside of the Franz Kafka museum...hopefully pictures are on their way), but there remains still uncharted territory to explore.
Yesterday, I went to a rather interesting performance at the Black Light Theatre. Think Cirque du Soleil meets the Blue Man Group meets awful dinner theatre. While the dancing and lights were really quite impressive, they were interlaced with a completely unrelated, totally corny pantomimed skit about a Hollywood director shooting a vampire movie? It was, for lack of a better word, very bizarre.
Oh, and why did I title this post 'Babies' you ask? Well, today I saw theŽižkov Television Tower (it's 200 feet tall, so you can pretty much see it from anywhere in Prague, but I got a bit of a closer look today) which boasts some super creepy faceless baby sculptures by Prague's very own sculptor and resident weirdo David Černý, and all I could think of was this video...

Pity Me.

So, today we were given a "free day" during which we could explore the city, do some grocery shopping, or generally just get to know the other kids in our program. Instead of doing any of those things, however, I slept for SIXTEEN flippin hours. Why? I don't know, some unknown culprit (probably extreme exhaustion due to jet lag) caused me to feel like I was going to vomit when I was lying down and pass out when I was standing up. No fun. But, I'm mostly recovered now...the only thing lost was a half of a day. You can send your condolences in the comment section below.

Finally.

Here I am in Prague, dear ones, giving you the quick update that you have all been eagerly anticipating like hungry little baby birds. I finally got to my apartment yesterday around 4 PM after a total of about 17 hours total travel time (shorter than I expected, really, but still pretty brutal). My apartment is quite palatial, appropriately, and very much to my liking. I will include pictures at a later date in order to stir up some more jealousy from you. Everyone in our program had our first Prague public transport adventure last night when we went to the CET headquarters for a dinner/meet and greet. I think we were all too jetlagged for anything really noteworthy to have happened there.
Today was orientation for film kids: we learned a little about Czech history/geography, the film curriculum, and saw a film that a past student made. From there, a group of us went out for lunch and then strolled aimlessly around the city. Here's what I saw:


(cross it off the bucket list!)


This place is unbelievably beautiful...like, more so than I could have ever imagined. But I suppose that goes without saying. Anyways, I think I need to take a nap or something, so you'll have to wait for a more coherent set of thoughts. Bye now.

L8r Sk8rs.

Hey earthlings,
I'm literally walking out the door right now to go to the airport--only 20-some odd hours now until I'm in Prague. Hold on to your hats, and I'll catch ya on the flip side!
-Monte

R.I.P. JRS 5/28/91-1/18/11

Casually Cruel.

"Cruel" by St. Vincent, just because.

That Awkward Moment When You Realize...

#bloggingisoldfashioned

Shameless Self Promotion.

Hear ye, hear ye, bitches; here comes the moment you've all been waiting for. Alright, so I've been sick and gross in bed all day (I keep asking myself, why are you sick?! It's SUMMER. But it's actually not, I just forgot that I'm in California). But, I did drag my sorry ass out of bed for long enough today to get my hair cut. So, of course, the obligatory new-hair pics...just for YOU guys. Don't ever let me hear you say that I don't love my subjects. Just remember to avert your eyes slightly so you don't accidentally defile my graven image by making eye contact.
Hey, it's me!
Gotta throw an artsy B&W shot in there, come on guys...

In all seriousness, this is the shortest my hair has been since the day I was born. I included this side-angle picture to prove that I'm not messing around, this shit is SHORT.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this completely non-self-indulgent look at my new trendy Euro-girl haircut. And if you want to tell me how good it looks, that's your prerogative.

I'm Getting Paper.

Holy crap, you guys, look! It's Czech money (artsy-fied via instagram for your viewing pleasure). It's just like what we have but different!! Aww, foreigners are so cute.
No, on a more serious note though, I know I picked the right country to travel to because the English translation of the Czech currency, the koruna (pronounced "Corona", roughly), is "crown"! Literally, I'm going to be spending the next four months paying for things with crowns! Just when I think I can't get any more royal, something like this happens to further solidify the notion that I was ordained by God to rule over everyone and get covered in jewels. Oh, the simple pleasures in life...
And another thing, I'd like to take this time to point out that I have been writing this blog for almost a week now and have so far abstained from making any lame puns in which I replace the word "check" with "Czech". Though you shouldn't be surprised seeing as how I am a pillar of tact and self-restraint, I just wanted to make sure that my efforts did not go unnoticed. That is all.

Feast Your Eyes.

Check it out, citizens! It's a picture of my future apartment courtesy of Google Earth Street View! I know what you're thinking,it's not a palace...I had the same thought myself. I do think that these accommodations will be to my liking, however. It should be a fun novelty to see how the common folk live.

Bucket List.

Followers, prepare yourselves for a post of megalithic proportions. If I were going to Thailand, I could call this my Phuket List, but alas...



12. Prague Castle
An obvious choice, not only because it's probably the #1 tourist destination in all of Prague, but because I of course feel most at home in extravagant royal castles (palatial mansions will also do in a pinch). According to my guidebook, this 9th century construction is the largest ancient castle in existence today, featuring centuries worth of different architecture. Apparently, the castle's White Tower boasts both authentic and souvenir-replicas of torture equipment, as well as an opportunity to shoot a real crossbow. But, if that doesn't sate my appetite for all things morbid, there's also a torture museum right down the road, apparently.

11. Museum of Decorative Arts
Basically, it's just a huge gallery of sweet-looking shit, for lack of a better word. Or, if you insist on better words, allow me to quote my guidebook, which says that the museum is a "part of a European movement to encourage a return to the aesthetic values sacrificed to the Industrial Revolution". This place is four halls worth of 16th- to 19th- century glasswork, furniture, tapestries, photography, wedding dresses (!!) and pretty much everything else. Or, if all of that is looking too daunting, I might check out the Museum of Miniatures instead.

10. Absinthe Shop
If it's illegal in America, then obviously it's a must whilst abroad. I'm no absinthe connoisseur by any means, but I'm sure with my sophisticated palette, I will be able to discern the subtle notes and transient flavors in each (free) tasting I encounter. Also, if you weren't already scandalized enough, they apparently also sell cannabis-flavored absinthe.

9. One World Film Festival
One of my many kingly duties is to take a passing interest in the lives of mere mortals so I intend to check out this festival (aka Jeden Svět), dedicated to documentaries about human rights, which happens every March. From the festival's website: "The films shown at One World provide comprehensive information on the entire gamut of human rights, foreign-policy and social issues. The festival demonstrates how effective a tool documentary film can be, if it is used strategically for increasing awareness, education, advocating human rights, stimulating debate, and promoting social integration."

8. The Astronomical Clock in Old Town Hall
Even with my superior intellectual capabilities, I cannot accurately express how friggin' awesome this thing is--I'd check out the link above to its Wikipedia page to get the full scoop if I were you. This clock not only tells normal-people time, but also shows the movement of the planets around the earth and sun--and it was made 600 years ago. Not only that, but it has animated statues of skeletons and Jews with bags of gold...creepy! You can also take a witch tour of this place that tells you about the black magic behind the clock.

7. The Choco-Story Museum
A chocolate...museum? Say no more. From their website: "In the museum you will be absorbed by the exciting world of chocolate and using all senses you will be travelling in time. It will be a pleasure not only for your eyes, but also for the nose and the taste". Oh, Choco-Story Museum, I won't be in Prague for another 2 weeks...don't be cruel.

6. Club Mecca
My guidebook tells me this is the place that important people such as myself come to let off some steam. I just hope that the presence of royalty won't intimidate the common-folk. Come on, guys, I can be hip! I'm 'with it'!

5. The Franz Kafka Museum
So, I should probably actually read some Kafka before I add this "vivid portrayal of the claustrophobic bureaucracy and atmosphere of brooding menace that characterized Kafka's world" to my bucket list. But even if I never get around to reading some of his stuff, it would probably be worth going just to see "Proudy", that weird sculpture depicted above by David Černý which stands right outside the museum. The sculpture is actually animated, making the two figures spell out famous quotations from Czech literature with their pee. Now, if that's not worth an exorbitant amount of time and resources, I don't know what is.

4. The John Lennon Wall
I had no idea John Lennon had anything to do with Czech history, but apparently this wall dedicated to him became a big symbol for the rebellion against the communist regime in the '80s. It's open to anyone to add their contribution, which aside from its being about The Beatles, is another cool element of this wall: it's constantly changing. The picture above is what it looked like in 1993; can't wait to see what it looks like when I go!

3. Church of St. James
Not only is this church what appears to be a stunning example of Gothic and Baroque architecture, but it (naturally) has some elements of the macabre as well. According to legend, a thief tried to steal some jewels from the statue of the Virgin Mary in the church, so the statue grabbed his arm with a grip so tight that it had to get sawed off by local butchers. The mummified arm still hangs in the church as a warning for future thieves... Now that's what I'm talking about! #bowdownbitches

2. Sperm Festival
Get your minds out of the gutter, you filthy peasants, it's a film festival. Or, rather, a music, visual, media & art festival held annually at David Černý's (remember computerized urine guy?) avante-garde art gallery, the Meet Factory. It's most likely just as intentionally esoteric and pretentious as it is actually impressive, but Architecture in Helsinki played there last year (for the first time in Prague, ever), so that's pretty cool, right?

1. Kočičí galerie
Alright, subjects, I'm rounding out this bucket list with a Czech gallery full of cat art, why? Because I want to, that's why! I don't need to answer to you, this is MY blog. Mine! That being said, I love cats, and if you're good this more than likely will be where I buy your souvenir from. So let the foot-kissing commence! And with that, I will bid you all adieu, hoping that you are all thoroughly jealous of my many adventures to come. Bye now!

First Things First.

As you must already know (for if you didn't, I could have you condemned for treason) the predominant purpose of my writing this blog is to chronicle my impending journey to the wonderful city of Prague in the Czech Republic. Much like my predecessors Ferdinand Magellan and Amerigo Vespucci, to both of whom I have been endlessly compared both in academic merit and physical beauty, I will embark on my journey on the 18th of January, via 747 Boeing jet plane, making one brief stop in Frankfurt, Germany en route to Prague, where I will study film production. Prior to my departure, I intend to compose what I hear plebeians call a "bucket list" of sights I would like to see and places I would like to go whilst in Prague. You can look forward to this so-called bucket list in the near future.

As for now, I will take the time to address some questions you may well be having about the format of this blog. For example, why have I chosen the name 'Montellione' as my kingly title? Why does the portrait in my previous entry depict an adorable kitten being swathed in velvet robes by naked cherubs instead of myself? To these inquiries, I can only respond with the advice not to ask questions to which you will not understand the answers. That's all I have time for now, subjects. Until next time.

Bow Down.

Fair Citizens,

Welcome to my kingly blog.

I do sincerely hope that the posts to follow in the coming months will be to your liking, for if not, I will be forced to have you beheaded, which really would be a pain in my royal ass. Check back soon and often for more updates from your beloved ruler.

Yours,

Montellione